Have you ever watched kids playing? There’s such magic to it, such imagination. Whether they’re pretending to be unicorns, blowing bubbles, or playing kickball, there’s a full commitment to the moment, with shared wonder, joy, and delight in one another. And when things go wrong, children know how to bounce back. By midlife, however, it’s easy to become out of touch with that magic. With our time is spent figuring out how to juggle work responsibilities with household tasks and family time, many of us are living our lives on autopilot. In the process, we forget our power, cynicism smothers awe, and adult self-consciousness varnishes our sparkle.
But what would happen if we worked to stay connected to that magic? The answer is simple: infinite possibilities. Every one of us has something unique to offer the world, and when we embrace our uniqueness, we learn to live with vibrancy. By choosing delight in play and simple pleasures, expressing gratitude and allowing ourselves to shift perspectives, we can get back in touch with what makes us so special.
A Case Study in Living One’s Magic
Having spent her life growing up in Nazi Germany, my grandmother Lotte Nippgen spent the better part of her life doing what was expected of her, but she still found a way to embrace her magic. Known as “Nippy” by her schoolmates, she loved making her classmates laugh by being just a little naughty without the teachers ever noticing. Her early twenties were spent doing her duty by rationing food and sleeping in shelters during air raids, but she still dodged the Gestapo to buy and sell black-market eggs. Making a little mischief always put a smile on her face.
When my grandfather, an American soldier, asked her to marry him, she went without hesitation. She crossed the ocean as a war bride from an enemy nation, but laughed off the discrimination she faced for being German, ever proud of her heritage. Despite losing her brother during the war and her parents from early deaths—losses she never recovered from—she always found delight in simple pleasures like daily walks, cultivating prize-worthy geraniums, and singing Christmas songs in July. At the height of her midlife, she had raised six children without ever being allowed to drive a car. Although their budget was tight, she sewed herself colorful dresses that always showed off her cute figure. Even when society tried, time and time again, to put her in a box, she kept the twinkle in her eye bright for all to see.
Watching my grandmother age was a lesson in how to do it well. When my grandfather died, we braced ourselves for the worst. They had been very much in love. Instead of sitting in her grief, she moved through it, first by teaching herself the household chores my grandfather used to do, then selling her house and moving closer to us. Before we knew it, Grandma started living with more magic than ever. She pierced her ears—something my grandfather never wanted her to do. She signed up for tennis lessons which she took into her late eighties, and went dancing every week at the senior center. As much as she liked predictability, she treated old age like the playground it deserves to be, taking care of herself and cultivating her own joy, with her magic always present. Best of all, through her role modeling, she gave everyone she touched permission to do the same.
The Dangers of Disconnecting with Your Magic
Living disconnected with your magic when times are good is hard enough—imagine a life heaped with responsibility but void of joy, playfulness and spontaneity. But a life without magic becomes exponentially bleaker when crises arrive. Unemployment, the end of a relationship, or a health scare for us or someone we love can be paralyzing. Uncertain of the future and stunned by the implications, many times, we choose fear when we should be tapping into our magic. How can you possibly find your mojo from such a place? This is when midlife malaise turns into a full-blown midlife crisis. It’s only by going deep, embracing positive mindset shifts, and consciously tapping into our magic that we have a chance of waking ourselves up and changing our circumstances.
Finding Your Magic Once You’ve Lost it
If midlife is leaving you feeling disconnected from your magic, all hope is not lost. But if the ugly act of adulting has cut you off from self-care, now’s the time to start. You can’t keep using your kids, the stress, or your job to justify your neglect. Parenting on your own? Try waking up a half an hour earlier than the kids to exercise or meditate. Have a sick father you have to care for? Watch a five-minute video of your favorite comedian for a good laugh to bring some lightness to your life. Dealing with the break-up of the century? Pour your heartache out by dancing to a sad song. By dedicating yourself to being your own best friend, you’ll learn that self-care isn’t an option; it’s essential. But cultivating self-care is merely the base layer in accessing our magic—not the final destination.
Once you’ve been caring for yourself more regularly, chances are you’ll start remembering the moments in life when you felt like you could conquer the world. What was the recipe for that special sauce that made you feel invincible, fulfilled, and happy? Who did you have to be to get there? Close your eyes, take a few breaths, and spend some time visualizing that chapter of your life. When the image is clear in your head, open your eyes, and start taking notes. What can you learn from your younger and more magical self? What are the special things that make you feel vibrant and alive? For some it could be about making art; for others getting outside. Maybe it’s about singing in the rain or giggling with a friend over something silly. Whatever your special recipe is, now is the time to start shaking things up. It’s time to live with infinite possibility again.
Staying with Your Magic During Trying Times
Difficult or unexpected circumstances can throw us into fear quickly. Once you start listening to the fear, the negative thoughts and emotions seem to roll like a hamster wheel that won’t stop. But if you want to start living a new reality, you can’t wait for your life circumstances to get better; you have to start harnessing your magic from the inside out. It’s only when we start choosing positive thoughts, make healthier decisions, and feed ourselves with soul-filling love and action that we start shifting the tides of our reality. We may not always be able to shift our circumstances, but we can always shift our perspectives, choose gratitude for what we have, and delight in everyday pleasures. In the worst scenario, our life circumstances may well be a matter of life or death, but we have a choice in how we show up to meet them.
As my grandmother’s magic shows us, when we love ourselves, we are able to meet our circumstances with love, grace and equanimity, too. By indulging in activities that keep the shimmy in our step, we are sure to grow stronger and able to meet life’s storms without being defeated by them. Most powerfully of all, when we choose to embrace our inner sparkle of self-love and pleasure, it grows so bright that it can manifest all sorts of miracles, forever transforming not only ourselves, but the people and environments around us, as well.
Need help bringing some magic into your life? Contact me for a free 30-minute chemistry call to see if we’re a good fit.